California Wishing

I thought that the holidays would assure me safety from excuses, but I'm still too scared to know what really went down. Something still wishes things went according to my plans. Side by side only disgusts me more. I still can't believe how much I tried and how little I benefited. You made me this way. I thought that the holidays would assure me safety from excuses, but I'm still too scared to know what really went down. And I still can't guess what should, would, or could have happened.