Sunday

Welp there you have it. Last weekend of warmth and sweaty pits. Last week of the relaxed agonizing. Last week of midday sleepless sleepovers. Last week of idle hands. Last week of Blue Night busses and walking home singing to yourself. Last week of all those sweets and no running. Last week of weekly passes. Last week of that summer that was missing something but brought together everything.

It took me the whole summer to realize that I was being a selfish Debbie Downer. Took me the whole summer to realize that I was being needy but difficult. Lying about when I had things to do just to mope at home in my bed then getting mad at everyone for not wanting me around. Staying inside because I didn't want to sweat. Going to the library alone because I never even thought that anyone would want to join. Doing things on my own to claim independence. Keeping tabs and scores on all my friends to justify "friends." Obsessing over nothings. I did it to myself. Expectations shape your outlook of the world, I've known this all along but I've been using it wrong. "I'm sorry for being so difficult."

The entire last week of summer I had hoped to have time to go to The Ex with someone just for kicks. Sunday thankfully gave me that break. Saw the kids grow old. Felt gypsy love and tragedy. Belted Benny and the Jets. Sat not so lonely on a lonely bench. WENT TO THE EX WITH PA AND BRO! Rocked the boat with that kind of Spanish smoke. Journeyed home with myself.

The weather's changing and so is my perspective. Summer's no longer my thing. The last few weeks of August always shake up something great. Pulled out the cameras when I knew what I wanted to remember. Things got better when I stopped relying on my ID to get the day going. Tuesday nights will be there year round. I'm no longer in mourning for that best friend. I dip dyed my hair and now I'm done with that. This is day two in a wooly cardigan; it's like a happy cape.

The End