My first free-of-work Saturday ever and I sat on my furry rug with my laptop on my bed and watched a movie in my room in this empty townhouse. I sat in total silence and just watched. Physical reactions such as tearing up and laughing were thought of but not carried out and I focused little on everything else going on. Sure, maybe this is what people usually do when they watch movies, but it isn't for me. I used to fantasize, in the worst way possible, how EVERY screen show was related and would foreshadow every bit of own life. I'd romanticize and even direct my actions towards some script and hope for the better. Sometime last year I stopped watching movies. I stopped hoping. I stopped romanticizing. I watch things now and can't pin point a single method to imitate. I don't need this. And I only realized the connection between three things today. In a big way I'm still angry, perhaps even still a bit bruised. But that was probably the big reality check that I needed to end this media reliant fantasy. I'm not always gonna have a happy ending and I don't need Hollywood to tell me what to do and how people will act. My lust for love is little now and in a way that's kinda what I need too. So thank you again I guess.