2011 I want to...

Watch more movies with my parents. Do my laundry on a regular basis. Continue venturing. Create in public. Use dat Moleskin. Own a new phone that still isn't a Blackberry or iPhone. Listen to music that aren't generally mixes from the store. Not be a work slave. Refrain from food hangovers. Continue this weekly sobriety trend. Finally get Degrassi High seasons. Be vegan for certain days of the week. Drink tea, with milk and sugar. Empty out half my closet. Grow long ss hair...then donate it at the end of the year. Be charitable again. Continue not wearing eye make up. Continue plucking eyebrows into fun shapes. Apply lotion onto skin. Never sleep at 3AM. Do more cab rides. Excel with company? Travel on my own. Finally get my G2. Finally get cheetah print. Wear heels on the regular. Go for monthly foot massages cause I seriously need them. Get a missed connection. Or just write one. Chill at Harbourfront more. Buy hats. Borrow more books at the library. Return those books on time. Use books to full usage in between. Read children's series. Buy art supplies. Random purchases for fam. Grocery shopping for fam. Be an ate to Anszel. Have a dinner party for friends. Work in New York for a second? Cook a few times a week. buy more delicate clothes, but I'm sick of clothes after working in retail. Visit my best friends that moved for university and life. Replace people. Take film pictures again. Finally renovate my room. Finally get a new bed cause mine is totally breaking. Go to bars. Make Fabricland shit. John Wolfe up in this bitch. Have more solo days. Have days with people. More hotel-like nights. Never eat McDonalds ever again. Get my nose pierced. Get dressed everyday as if in a costume. Antique decor. AAAAAAAAAAAAND...cute Halloween costume.

IM SO BORED bye

Can you take this without fibbing?
lettuce sea

Why aren't you texting the last person you kissed?
donut have their number lmao

How late did you stay up last night and why?
til maybe 1, i guess i was bored and tired...

Who was the last two people you texted?
jip and winston nyarkoh

What's currently bothering you?
i want to sleep

Have you ever liked someone you didn't expect to?
yes and then i lied about it

Do you and your last ex hate each other?
totally

Have you ever been called a slut?
ToTaLlY

Have you thought about an ex today?
nooope

Did you have a Valentine this year?
...we had an unofficial date of some sort

Do you have facebook?
no

Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
00oo0o0 how i wiish

Do you know how it feels to be cheated on? Describe it.
i feel cheated every single day! people suck.

What would you say if you found out your last ex was in a relationship?
lol id be surprised without giving a hoot

Ever get hurt by someone who promised they wouldn't?
who promises that they wont hurt you? bullshit! i hate promises like dat and dat.

Your boyfriend/girlfriend isn't around but their phone is, do you look through it?
nah bro. i have once only cause i was hearing shiiiit.

Ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex?
siii!

When is the next time you will kiss someone?
wedding day

Whats the last thing you got grounded for?
i had to behave after frosh lolololol

When you shut off your alarm clock, do you tend to fall back asleep?
mostly

What are you looking forward to in the next few months?
portfolio creation aaaaand...nothing

What song are you currently listening to?
north by phoenix

If you caught a significant other cheating on you what would you do?
be cheez'd then dip and then go out for motzerella sticks and demitris with my gals like we NEVER do

Where was the last place you traveled?
montreaaal

How was your past weekend?
the weekend was christmas. home time for two days. grocery shoppinng with jip and visiting pals at work. making a turkey breast. swagga od at my door. toy story 3 on rod with fam. new jacket. bro likes his gift. yohn and friends on kinnect with me. and then sunday a hectic boxing day.

Is someone on your mind right now?
like that kid who killed me.

Would you do anything for that special someone?
seems like it but no.

Do you hangout with more guys or girls?
my best friends are girls, and all i do is work during the week..with a bunch of girls. but boy time is fun time.

Why?
surroundings.

Have you ever made out in a bathroom?
...lmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaooooooooooooooooo gts

Do you think the last person you kissed is nice?
superbly

When was the last time you were so drunk you threw up?
september?

Do you still talk to any of your ex's?
no lmao

it maybe pills at work?

Listening to my iPod after 3 months of lethargic attitudes towards hooking up a cord to a computer and a gadget has a slight "UGH!" to it. I forgot all of the images and memories that I used to picture when I'd be sitting on the bus, iPod in hand, and towards perhaps any next best thing. I was glad to forget. But Limewire doesn't exist anymore and my iTunes is hopelessly neglected. The last 3 months have consisted of new tunes to update. But the last 3 months haven't consisted of (m)any new things to update. Old tunes are cool though.

I was feeling lonely, feeling blue. Feeling like I needed you? Like, I hoped you'd call and hoped you'd see me.

i crash i want sleep

According to your ex, are you a b-word?
my last ex doesnt care lmao

Are you easily amused?
nope

Do you miss someone?
i see everyone eventually so NO

Who was your last received call from?
im sure i got a missed call from jip but other than that maybe my dad?

Do you think you'll be married in 5 years?
YUH! LIKE WE'RE ALMOST 27!

When was the last time you cried?
not long ago

What woke you up today?
back pain

Have you done anything embarrassing lately?
like when my face turns super heated red everyday at anytime!

Are you currently frustrated with a girl?
no...unless work maybe...or like mimstakes of other girls?

Are you a bad influence?
yea! i got all my friends nd filipinas all over toronto to shave tehir half heads for a seasonal trend!

Has anyone ever called you baby?
anne-kay from work

Who was the last person you took a picture with?
BRO

Will you be up before 7 am tomorrow?
NO! ITS CHRISTMAS AND I DONT HAVE WORK!!!

What is something you disliked about your day?
ugh

Have you kissed anyone whose name started with a T?
lol teeeeeejaaaaaay!

Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night?
nope, wasnt even in bed yet

Do you currently have a hickey?
nope, not my steeeze

Have you ever had a girl best friend?
SI!

Did you date anyone last summer?
no.

Do you hate being alone?
no! im alone now!

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
trying to find what sales stores have hehehe

Will this weekend be a good one?
yea totally!

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?
YES! i am champ.

When was the last time you used a walkie talkie?
i think maybe gr 7

Do you like to take walks?
sii siii! but its too cold for that shat.

Can you recall the last time you liked someone a lot?
of course i can *siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*

Been in a fight in the last week?
had to tke out the claws. THE CLAAAAW!

Last three things you had to drink?
irish cream, green tea flavoured water, coke

Have you ever dated the same person twice?
...not of my real boys

Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months?
3 months has been a while but i dont think so unless if ive changed infront of bianca or jip at one point

Is it hard for you to get over someone?
id say yes. and id like to add that you all suck for torturing me!

Is there anyone that you care more about than yourself?
like everyone.

Do you believe that if you want something bad enough, you'll get it?
the secret?! no, not reall, i should maybe ge some positivity up in this bitch.

If you could move somewhere else, would you?
like cali? or pei? or thailand?

Are you dating the person that texted you last?
jerome my age old first best black and guy friend- no

Are you your best friend's best friend?
we hae too many best friends!

Type the alphabet and stop at the letter of the last person you kissed:
abcdefghijklmnopqrs

What does your last outgoing text say?
'ahaha that blows hows your christmas'

How was your day overall?
a-ok.

Have you kissed someone more than 20 times in 09?
i had a boyfriend then so i guess so...

How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?
self conscious me is very suspicious of EVERYONE

Where were you Friday night at 10pm?
AT HOME WATCHING TOY STORY 3 WITH FAM!!! :)

If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?
samuels hehehe black

Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?
...DO I EVER

How often do you hold back what you want to say?
pretty often id say, I WISH I WAS "UNFILTERED" it has everything to do with small voices and believing in taking turns with talking also being just a plain ol' pusssy

Your ex is on the side of the road, on fire. What do you do?
...i guess call 911? i really wish this ex wasnt the person that id always have to refer to as ex.

It’s 2 in the morning and you get a text message, who is it most likely?
maybe jip or michael?

Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone?
back in gr 4

Who did you last ride in a car with besides family?
jiiiiiiiip

When someone says "we need to talk", what runs through your head?
just the average "OH FUCK"

How do you know the last male you texted?
elementary school 13 years ago nikkkka

Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?
that was the first time i kissed that last person lmao

Did your last kiss take place on a bed?
this is too much

Do you think the last person you kissed cares for you?
i am similar to a goddess...JK

Last movie you saw in theaters?
BLACK FRIKKIN SWAN

Do you laugh a lot?
yuh, especially when i have nothing to say or comment ahahaha

Are any of your friends are so close that you consider them family?
yes! but not close to family.

Are you good at giving directions?
if its for a familiar area jah

What does your mom call you?
hee

Are you afraid of roller coasters?
no but i havnt been on one in forevaaaa

What are you thinking about right now?
lol the cne. i wish i wore heels more often. i wish i had more heels.

Do you enjoy going through the car wash?
i used to LOVE them, hvnt been in one in time though.

What was the first cigarette you ever smoked?
perhaps a chinese orange flavoured one from jip...yuck

What was the reason you last received flowers?
...like grad

Did the last person you kissed have tattoos?
no, but they were surprised that i did ;) mwahahahahhaaaaaaaaaa

Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?
no, but i am honestly enjoying sober days nowadays :O

How did you get one of your scars?
rocks in a laaake

Have you ever sang karaoke in a public place?
like on a stage in a mall in the philippines!

Do you know what you want to be when you grow up?
nope no. i just wanna do fun thoughtful and experimental things for and with people.

Does it annoy you when people play dumb?
yuh! but usually when i think people are playing dumb they actually are dumb...

Have your past mistakes made you wiser?
no not at all.

What is your favorite Kate Winslet movie?
like the holiday hehee

Do you hate to hug people?
no! and people say i give grrreat hugs. but sometimes i awkward.

When was the last time you felt like just disappearing?
perhaps not long ago.

Is it easy to make you cry?
lately. i fragile.

How do you feel when someone kisses you on your forehead?
those be key.

Can you honestly say you're okay right now
i tired and my face hurts and i wish i was in pjs but im actually in a dress and a furry vest.

Do you tell people you're okay when you're really not?
half and half. depends on how willing i am to rant liiife.

Have you ever felt worthless?
yaw jah

What are you planning on doing after this survey?
add in another

What is bothering you right now?
tired eyes and good sleeping music but bad sleeping setting and bad sleeping attire.

Did you cry today?
no, but toy story 3

What are you currently listening to?
MICHAEL'S CHRISTMAS CD TO MEEE

What are you excited about?
eating my peach glazed turkey in the morning

Plans for tomorrow?
if tomorrow like right after i wake up then idk. if tomorrow like dec 26 then its full day boxing day at vaughn mills and then indian fam friends house. yesss indian foods!

When you last got dressed, did you put on your bottoms or your top first?
i wore a dresss.

Have you ever dropped your cell phone in the water?
no, but she has been through alot and her speakers are actually kinda fuzzy plus the back falls out easily now :(

Who were the last people you ate with?
bro and pa, mom was too tired to eat

What was your first alcohol beverage?
baaaaileys

When was the last time you got shy around somebody?
like everyday of my liiife

What is the last thing that you got really excited over?
watching toy story 3 and making this frikkkin turkey

Do you know anyone who demeans people to make themselves feel better about themselves?
i have assumptions but no not really

Who is someone that you find yourself missing a lot?
pals, old pals

The last meaningful conversation you had with someone else what did it involve?
mean people

When was the last time you went out of your way to be able to see someone?
tht used to be my casual lifestyle...

Is there anyone that you feel you don't want anything to do with anymore?
TOTALLY

What was the last really nice gesture you did for another person that you actually received recognition on?
my brother really liked my turkey

Is there anything that could soon turn into an actual problem for you?
...like everything happening

Where was the last place you filled out a job application for?
uuuh...i donut remember

The last time somebody suggested plans with you what did they involve?
well today i met up with someone, met up with jip to go grocery shopping and loafting, and then michael came over to gift exchange

Which of your coworkers do you get along with the best?
jeanette at calderones cause shes the only one i work with when im there ahaha and then i guess several people at aritzia

What was the last purchase you made using a credit card on?
i refuse to own a credit card til i am iight

Any baby names you think you might name your future kids?
lothario-hunter nuff saaaaid

THERE'S ANOTHER POTENTIALLY LIFE CHANGING SUMMER EVENT THAT YOU DISTRACTED ME FROM! :@

Now I'm forced to start from scratch and rebuild, rebuild, rebuild.

Dec. 24

All of my Secret Santa's are finished. I've bought gifts only for fam. The Christmas tree stands with tinsel, ornaments, and gifts at it's trunk. We all died in a hotel and the next day at a ballet. I caught some weird illness and my face turns as red as holly. Haven't watched any Christmas specials on YTV and I exited Hey Arnold Christmas on YouTube by accident then didn't continue. I'm scared for Janurary but shit needs to be done. This year I'm making a Sunny Anderson Christmas dinner and the Food Network is great. I'm happy that my house doesn't smell like dumb Christmas cinnamon but I want a pine scent. Christmas came fast. Christmas will be over in a few days. I feel like Christmas was barely here.

8/10

Giving cold shoulders and getting cold toes. Going late, leaving early. A lunar eclipse, the stars, and Molly Ringwald. Speeches. I haven't had a night similar but some parts reminded me of a dream. A dream that I didn't like.

But when Kyle freestyles and David drives I am iight. Such a weird Monday.

Not for 4 years

Christmas tree shopping wasn't the same this year. It wasn't a Saturday afternoon with the gang and it wasn't a busy day. There weren't any cute boy scouts to cut an even trunk, and there wasn't a warm cup of hot chocolate. My brother and I didn't get to run around a tiny maze of what used to be tall trees. And we didn't get to pick out a weird thing and credit it with a name and membership into the fam. It was a cold day for a two person job and a cute bright green tree. Dad and I looked around for 20 mins til my fingers felt lingering frostbite and working hours drew near. The man in the portable was a bit rude and I don't remember seeing a hot chocolate for sale sign. Only two other men and an old foreign couple were shopping for a tree. I smelt more cold than I did pine. Rope was easier to use this year as we wrapped the tree flat above the car to regular radio instead of Christmas music. But it's okay...I don't have anything reassuring to say. Family life has altered but it's okay.

California Wishing

I thought that the holidays would assure me safety from excuses, but I'm still too scared to know what really went down. Something still wishes things went according to my plans. Side by side only disgusts me more. I still can't believe how much I tried and how little I benefited. You made me this way. I thought that the holidays would assure me safety from excuses, but I'm still too scared to know what really went down. And I still can't guess what should, would, or could have happened.

Monay

$520 surrendered to York Dec. 9. $3.25 out of my custom coin purse 2-5 times a week. Thank Dalton $100 came in the mail. Thank Secret Santa for $20. Max $70 waiting to be spent. $20 for Kris Kringle. $15 Kris Kringle hotel slumber party. $20-$25 to be spent for Secret Santa pt. III. $114 stands tall in TD account at the momento. $46 in RBC. $300+ paycheque coming in, can't be cashed til Monday. $200 going. $99 Metropass for Jan. $520+ for York Jan. 10. Oh yea and the casual "fun" money. If I want to be a good friend, good daughter, good co-worker, these are the money rules that I have to live by from December to January. I cannot wait til Jan. 10 when I don't have to- fuck, $__?__ to apply for colleges- not save. Unless if I fall into Boxing sales scams everytime I walk through either mall I work in. Slash, i doubt I'll get the 6 shifts a week load after holiday season. But I wanted $70 heels. I wonder how life will settle after this holiday rush, waste and vaccum of: money, free time, and energy.

LIVE BY THESE WORDS

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

There's a reason why I don't go to the doctor's

The doctor realized that his lifetime patient was now grown up. However he may have found it odd that she comes in, before lunch time on a snow storm-ish day, with her mother by her side. It was only a check up referral. Huffing and puffing like he normally does, he asked the girl questions but her mother answered. He asked her to take off her coat, why the visit, and how old she was. Her mum answered them all.

"First year university."

"Oh wow," didn't bother to look at the girl's face, the doctor was just checking her pulse, "what major?"

"Social work, but um we don't know if she's really gonna stay there."

"What does she like?"

"Hmm, she's into arts."

"I see. My son wanted to rap and write songs. But the reality is, I told him, one in a million."

The appointment was finished. The girl felt a little insulted. Her mother would later admit to having a hard time telling the truth. And I wish I could say that the doctor felt a little guilty as he remembered his son.