My Gravy Weekend

Friday
11AM-3PM: Last Practice
This included the usual. Pulling up to the Jane and Sheppard driveway with an awesome front lawn centerpiece that instantly welcomes anybody into the house. The house rented out by a superior entourage for the last 5 months. Starting off the morning right with some Goblet of Fire, the dances that have been drilled into our brains, and plates of chow mein of course. I got so lost in all of the routine fun that I forgot about my other plans. It's been awesome and I'm gonna miss all of the quirky comments and snickers that come with the peer editing of cotillion practices.
3:45PM-9PM: Eating, Praying, and Loving April
A whole time slot dedicated to my sweetest girl. The west side traveling was peace for 15 mins. Seeing a good ol' pal was just delightful, especially cause I haven't seen my dear since graduation! The movie made me happy with the pieces that make up the puzzle of my life. I'm thankful for my flesh, passions, and comfort. I hate how movies usually mold me sometimes, but I was kinda fine with it this time. Goodwill made me feel a little richer and excited for uniform freedom. A day with April brought back my groove, eve if it was just for a few hours.
9PM-11PM: Cross-City Travel
With a book in hand, I didn't at all mind the journey. Yorkdale Station to Downsview Station. 85 Downsview Bus to Sheppard Station. Sheppard Station to Don Mills Station. 190 Rocket to Scarbrough Town Centre. A friend to join me along for the next ride. Scarbrough Town Centre to some steezey residence KINDA close to Neilson and Finch.
11PM-1:30AM: John Wolfe's Lair
Greeted by intoxicated strangers and just a few pals was a treat. Although I had a hard time figuring out how to socialize (as always) the hectic scene was enjoyable to witness. I was hoping to dance though. The drunkard rapping Miss Me at the top of his lungs on the kitchen counter was the whipped cream on top of a good night. (I don't like those red cherries on my ice cream.)
1:30AM-2:30AM: Journey Home
It just took me time to get back. Comfort texts were comforting. Book in hand was still my book in hand. Loyal father waiting up for me. And crashing was like dying peacefully.

Saturday
9AM-3PM: Morning Routine Rush and Welcoming Lunch
I finally got my fettuccine alfredo with shrimp. And got to drink the wine that I legally bought from Montreal with my pa. Oh, and being a good fam, we welcomed another. And then I had to figure out what I was gonna be bringing to Vaughn, the card, my accessories, put on make up, shower for once.
3PM-6PM: Hoe Teel Cross
Hotels are one of my favourite places for leisurely roaming and somehow it was a setting to help relax me.
6PM-1PM: 5 MONTHS WORTH OF LIFE
I was not as relaxed as I thought. Screwed up a few times I do believe. Footwork fails and all. But it was a BEYOND extraordinary experience! I'm always proud of the final product of anything, but this one was...siiiigh. I'm so happy to have been apart of it all. I do not at all regret the mass amount of time put into this baby. Practice was more than just dancing. I made new friends. :) And became a better friend. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S OVER!!! My feet now only crave dancing.

Sunday
12:30PM-1:30PM: Church
I woke up Sunday morning, thinking that Saturday night was an amazing dream. Or perhaps my head replayed all of Saturday because it was just so amazing! Anyways, I always find my balance within this rollercoaster life, by going to church. It is another one of those places where thoughts can be fed to me through lectures, people watching can be fun, and reflection is the only option. I don't mind it so much anymore.
1:30PM-2PM: Garden Bonding
And as my mom took her time getting off holy grounds, my good ol' pops and I explored the holy grounds. The garden outside our church is very untamed and on that very day it was very wet. But my dad and I have always been up for slow paces through nature.
2PM-6PM: Despicable Me! w/ El Paka
Bonding over Disney is always fun.

I don't care what they say

Lately I've been walking on clouds and smelling bakery air. Seeing only clarity and sepia sunshine. Hearing the sweet sounds of starry nights and orgasms. (lmao orgasms) And what peachy gift from God Himself has put me in such a trance of fucked up seventh heaven you may ask? Well that, my dear readers, I know and I don't.

A Positives List

I'm finding the factors that balance all of the floos and flaws that ruin my life's work, and although for some I have to dig deep, I don't really mind. Finding that portion of satisfaction surely satisfies.

Decent examples include:
1. I'm getting fat, but I feel most powerful while working out. And at least I have something to play with when I'm bored or need something to pat.
2. School is coming up soon, but I can make new FRIENDS! And be another addition to the village-like campus.
3. My hair isn't really just as frizzy as some next animal, I'm just too lazy to buy hair products.
4. THE IDEAL was a failed life's work, but now that there's no such thing as ideal, I am now searching with an open mind. And look at the great thang that it's given me.
5. I can't body roll, but all this practicing is giving me ab definition! And I need that.

I'm not honestly happy with everything, and half of my excuses are just shit-for-brains excuses that just let me cool down. Das k.

But now I'm gold :)

It's safe to say that this blog is filled with not the happiest of moments, nor the most cheerful thoughts. Lists of disappointments, paragraphs drenched in pity. It's pathetic non? And I bet half of the things aren't even as bad as I make them sound. However...when a more hopeful entry comes along, it surely is valued at a high.

Transit Bliss

The basement is for computer screen nights. My room is just storage for my clothes and an unfamiliar scene. Outside is for tokes, tanning, and jokes. And everywhere else in between has some sort of other purpose that keeps me up and about. But the good ol' TTC is where I somehow find my sanity. Although usually packed with summer sweat stained riders, perhaps a grumpy bus driver, one or two loud mouths, some funny scent, and one oddball...the TTC has become my inner peace.

Its on the bus where I finally find the perfect light to read my book, I can jot down notes without minding the wandering eye. The ride doesn't always need an Ipod to be complete, the sounds that gather and vary from place to place make an effortless tune of interest. But when I do have my Ipod, songs just sound better somehow. I'm happy when I hop onto the bus knowing that I'm headed towards somewhere, anywhere. I've taken a liking to taking the longer routes, just as long as I have a red cushioned seat, and it means that I'm on for longer. I get to people watch without feeling guilty. And for some reason, outside looks better through a glass.

WBOTLL

Whether it was intended or not, the curious stare of a straight edge friend is all that I saw. Had I known that I would be locking eyes with this for just a millisecond, I would have never turned my head. And then I never saw you again. And I feel like I never really will after the first. I'm sorry to be so cliche or whatever but, what became of the likely lads?

I love you more than all that's on the planet

The strange lyrics, heavy-hearted guitar, and the frenzy of a little girl's common hobby became his wonder and fear. For one thing, he sought that her outburst was a mature remark. Although it was just an everyday sing-a-long, he never thought that a nine year old could deliver this much emotion. A dignified gesture that sounded as if her own heart was solely addressed to someone else. But behind the fascination there laid the concern for his daughter's heart. One day she will feel like she sings. And one day she won't always be his. His little girl giggled and ignored the comment to assure that it would never happen. When I said that, 'I love the Love you give,' I meant it, and I always will.

The other problems in my life:

- no longer "articulate" enough to do hardcore critical thinking
- constantly glum...even with substances
- lack imagination
- expecting only the worst from experiences that haven't even begun
- uncultured
- self centered
- image obsessed and image confused
- becoming distant from everyone and everything
- laziness is my go to excuse
- stability has stumbled out of my life
- still don't have the balls to speak up

Today she had had enough.

She laid in bed and surrounded herself with her trusty pillows, the only things that would witness her diminished self. When the stupidity of crying finally sunk in, the eyes of the flustered female had nothing else to do but wander.
All four walls of her room traited symbols and furnishing that had been ignored and forgotten over the last year. The collection of pictures that bordered her closet have been the same photographs from years back. The significance of most have been dismissed and most of the people photographed no longer maintained the same appeal to the girl. The necklaces that hung by the door have not been worn since they took their place. And every piece of furniture has not been moved since.
She began to wonder about her distant relations to her own room. Isn't a room supposed to be filled with the little trinkets of the owner's life? She pictured the joys and comfort of being able to walk through her door and lay within the aura of her own sensibility after a long day of reality. But where would she even be able to begin? What things would she replace or restore? Wouldn't everything end up being meaningless all over again? What would mean anything to this girl?
It seemed to be that this living space was just consisted of endless clutter. Or perhaps our little girl really had no clue about her own self.