Insanity List

-gone every week
-tattoos
-hot fudge sundaes
-peeling fingers
-men's clothes
-half shaved head
-spacers
-shit and shit
-pill popping
-shower less
-eye luggage
-$85
-f00dz
-no plans
-bed tossing
-blank stare
-straw hat
-one manz

Watchin you's the only drug I need

Feelin' light and pretty without you. Nowhere to be seen, but I can still feel. It's not fair but I don't really mind. I'll optimistically see it as something powerful. If I freak you out then I'm sorry. It freaks me out too. But I haven't felt this genuinely glad in a while.

This is exactly like last year. That's a bad thing.

Sundays prove to be good again

I rely on signs very very much, maybe even too much for my own good. But they usually turn out right anyways. At the moment I'm relying on two movies that I watched today, a dream I woke up from, a dog walker I saw outside, and something that I did today that I used to do when I'd succeed. I think the movies say it all, and I am hopelessly waiting.

We surpassed death

If I'm gonna be carrying myself in the future like how I did while we were in Montreal, living alone and such without school, friends all around, no need for IDs and just living it up...then I won't be able to carry myself. Taking advantage of March Break was too fun. The only time that sobriety proved to be necessary was when we had forgotten what it was like to be dead. Thank God for Twitter txt, friends' cameras, everlasting memory on my new phone, and camera phones.

Monday

And with every step together, we just keep on getting better. I just want to go to where you know. You feel so warm just like I knew you would.

Recreate a place that's my own world

The week made the little girl sore. Constant breaking points about the near future, money runs, the disappearance of the one and only, body damaging laziness. A break from it all would be her cure. WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE GOT!

Deep fries MarsBars, Mickey Mices, Faux Fromawk, Frauxhawk, too much, Our Lips are Sealed, if I could escape video, 50s housewives, ______ wants your diiiick, basement club, You Belong with Meeeee, biiiiic, "my hand had a seizure of excitement!", Sherlocke Holmes, cocktails, lesbianic love, fabulous friendship, a stripper on Wonton, I'M BALD!, pancakes, McDonald sundaes, Troy and Chad, dreads mon, replacement rando, black nurse, 3000, far too much of an edge, homeboys still buy my tickets, came to early, solitude, routine sessions, jam sessions, cake all weekend, cake plans for Tuesday, hair revealing plans, "dont fret, i look more like a lesbian."

I feel defined, established, accomplished, relaxed, fucked up, and living it up.
I'll only regret the things that I didn't do, instead of regretting things that I did.

That heaven is over-rated

I can't always get my words right, I don't like putting too much thinking effort into things, I won't work well with others most of the time, I don't know and I wouldn't want to follow all of the rules, I don't like to speak up infront of crowds, and I procrastinate too much. These are my flaws (there are more of course) and they hold me back from alot. But while I am fated with these defects, I can easily put them altogether to bring out the best of just me. I can't speak so I sketch. I don't like thinking too much so I settle on a few ideas, add them all in, and revise. I can't work well with others because I have my own vision that I want to pursue and I won't let anyone take that away from me. I'm not aware of rules so I can go outside the box. I don't speak up in crowds, but when I whisper my input, it's appreciated. And procrastination only makes me work better.

My greatest tool are my hands. I can make things. Those are two points that I am for sure of.

At the moment, I'm being faced with some tough times, and time is running out. But I know that I can work things out when I have my allowance. Things will unravel slowly but surely. Trust that I know what I'm doing. I'll be glad with it. And with the work that I bring home, I will show you that I am happy doing what I have chosen because it is what I know I do best.

Pack up, don't stray

Last summer I bought a notebook to write down all of my perfectly organized exam notes for four or three subjects. Drowning myself in sheets and textbooks the night before my exam to strike my notebook with useless knowledge linked me to my love for free thought.

A week after exams, I continued to plan my life in this notebook. Staying up til 4AM making all sorts of nonsense charts and lists was a normal. I told myself the type of person I am, the ideal husband I'd wait for, the goals that I like to accomplish, the things that make me tick, what I liked best about you, and things that you wouldn't even think possible to be jotted. In this way, I believed that I was able to make a jumbled mind clear. It wasn't that I liked the organization or took pride in all that I thought, it helped me feel safe. When I can write it all out, I feel like I have assurance and security. Sometimes things just pile up and swallow me into its core.

I bought a new notebook before the end of the year. I had intentions on using it to put my life in words and illustration, but it didn't work out.

I lost this talent of expressing myself. I allowed things to pile so high in my mind that I'm not able to sort them to any particular degree. My agenda is so empty and without daily plans that I can't figure time out properly. I have dreams that I wish to aspire, but I can never get them down onto a page.

I just can't bring myself to excel for myself, anymore.

This poor little L.A. girl

Emotionally unwell had made me mentally unwell, and now I'm feeling physically unwell. More proof that what I tried to say was true. But its not like I got your response. A blend of all three hits again.

The history books forgot about us

I brush my teeth for over 10 mins when there's something troubling on my mind. I've been doing that for two weeks now.