You are my sweetest downfall

I've changed and I actually find alot of it a shame. I remember when writing this blog didn't have to include backspacing, editing, and taking an extra 2 minuets to come up with a decent flow. I remember there used to be something in me that would be able to express anything so easily and so freely without having a shame or giving a damn. And I remember when I could remember everything that was funny the night before.

So I went through my blog logs and tried to see when did everything go wrong. Not only did I find a season long corruption that had actually built up this absurd and breaking habit, but I also found another shame.

I'm sorry I didn't promise. You told me to really take in the conversation and all of the lessons within it; but I failed. I remember feeling some sort of power and charge when you broke it all down for me. But as evils overshadow the genuine good in people, I had slipped into this sin that I can never have back while I had erased every little detail that you tried to imprint in me. I actually don't hold that clean heart and healthy conscience that you entrusted in me.

Perhaps it all fell down because we both broke over that period of time. To even myself, it still sounds like a pathetic excuse, but maybe because we didn't keep in touch as much as we had before, I had actually forgotten what it was you said. I'm trying to wrap my head around the idea that your words mean everything to me, and that I can't function alright without you routinely at my side. But I'm also stopped by the fact that when you do get a dose of the surreal beauty and truth that you wish you could receive every single day, it tends to stick within you even more.

Either way, all that I really want to say is that I'm sorry to you and myself for not remaining saved. For as long as I can, I'll make bigger attempts to hold onto your word. I always want you to remember me as that little girl with a clean heart and healthy conscience.