My Beautiful Rescue

I can't explain our relationship but I can see how much and how little it means to us. We don't talk about our future, what we want to be, where we think we're gonna go; we talk about the now. We speak out about how we improve, how we've fallen, how we're doing. I think that those are the topics that matter. I can't seem to make sense of it even in my head, but I feel that our talks mean more than any future dream or fantasy could ever. The level that we're at is beyond the future, it's the now. The future doesn't even matter, it's our now, between only us, that matters when we talk. Sometimes we go weeks not speaking, but when I'm actually dying to hear anything from that familiar voice, you definitely come through with the best results. Maybe it's just because we don't have the same friends, or maybe I just enjoy this point of view, but it seems that every piece of news and insight, is directed to me and only for me to treasure and keep secret. We don't have to be lovely to love, we don't have to be in relation to hold a relationship, we don't even have to commute to communicate. I am certain now, that I never have to worry about losing you. Our bond is of it's own secret existence and is in complete liberty to blossom and burn whenever it wishes. What we have isn't clear, and it can't be perfect, but it's what we have and what I want to keep for as long as you'll never know.

It's Simple, But It's Something

The awaited and unexpected response was my morning burst. My brother had my piggy bank in his room. The cat scratched my face when I called her "Ugly Girl."The same Asian Lady sits beside me everytime I take the 7:29am bus, I think it's comforting. It's already Thursday! I'm listening to piano covers of Jack's Mannequin. There were potatoes in my sandwhich again. I no longer have to work Saturdays on the regular. My tummy's making noises again but it's funny. I've been wearing teh same uniform shirt for the last three days. I'm gonna be playing a pregnant boy for my Drama ISU. I love the back and forth thread. I can now see the pimple on my cheek when I look down. I've been yawning nonstop. I have narrowed my essay topic list to 3 now. I keep biting my lip, which is bad. Curly Sue JUST found the what we thought was lost-forever memory card from our double baking day at Scrootie's house!

...so I'm feeling like one hundred dollars.

Dearest Most Knowledgeable Person I Know,

Fill my empty head with your knowledgeable insight like you used to every weekend before.

This Entry Makes No Sense

Current Song: Lose You- Peter Yorn

I know that I say that I don't need certain people anymore, but of course, I know that I'm not certain of that. Sure it's easy half of the time not putting up with the same old from the same person, but really I feel empty. I'm missing someone and something that used to be a huge part of me. No, correction; I'm missing alot. But I don't want to go back to it. I hate dwelling on the past. I hate remembering the old bonds. It's useless to go back to most of them. I really don't care for them. I know I can say that for sure. It was like living in a bubble. We were only limited to each other on certain days, and we followed through with that routine for what seemed like ages. For some of these people that I'm talking about, I do actually miss them. I miss him so so much and I know that right now, I can't have him. I can't keep contact with him. I wrote out a letter to a friend, but I still havn't finished it, let alone made any plans on sending it really. The letter started with some compassionate information and memories, but after a week, my feelings shifted and now I just feel like writing some raw material about how I've been. This other girl, we'll call her May, used to be my bestest friend. I do know how, but I don't get how, but nonetheless, we parted consistantly and it's okay, but I miss having someone to turn to me, cry on my shoulder. May has tried, she has really tried, but nothing came out of it. The Girl I Dislike, I truely don't like, and I know that she doesn't like me. But if she doesn't then why does she feel like she has to be nice to me. I'm pretty sure that she knows that we don't like each other. I don't get it.
There are a bunch of people that I used to be close with but now i have no clue on how to keep track of them///I don't even want to, I just want to know how're you doing? I've lost them. The people that I just listed, I really could care less about them most of the time. I don't really mind, but I want to know what is going on. Probably I need closure. Perhaps I'm just lonely. Maybe I just enjoy hearing stories.

IDONTKNOW
...I just feel a bit empty without a few, not necessarily the people above.

Dipping S. Creamy G.

"They did both look as though they had just stepped out of the sun; their youth was striking. Everyone wanted to meet them."

So I changed the last part of the quote, whatever.
I fully just had the most hilarious day of my life yesterday!

The echo dome for rolling, trying to be stealth, dipping s. creamy g, "that's how potato couches sit," friendly strangers at friendly stranger, "you are sexy eh," the trip beach, the duplicate path that scared Lady Crush shitless, the wrong way, CN Tower tourist pictures, tourist pictures, swan sign #2, seeing 5,000 people that we knew, pro orders, caramel, "look it's Janet Jackson and...Goofy the dog," people watching, the ultimate stalking, Tay Swift, stare and sing game, "where did this moisture on my hand come from?" ketchup packs...

I can't list everything, but I remember laughing every second.

I've been pretty "cheesed" because...

(insert life problems here)

...BUT SO WHAT?!
(eff yes that feels so good! thnx seventeen magazine!)

Perfect timing for...

Current Song: French Kiss -The Teenagers

On a personal level, this picture screams "We are to find clearer skies."
I am having some sort of Easter Resurrection. A week after the fall, I am ready to dive head first into the somewhat unknown. I'm going back to old ties that have ruined my every being; but those things won't stop me. I am going to remember only the good that came out of it, and I will remake it.
If I fail, well then I fail.
My Lady Crush is foretelling the future based on the past. And she's probably right; third time was never the charm. And Lady Crush is smart when it comes to this category. I'll take your words into consideration because you're you, but I want to feel this.
What is "this?" We certainly don't have a high level of a romance yet, there's potential however. Is it weird to say that I want to feel that hurt again? But who wants to feel that? Especially coming from the same person over and over again. Probably I like that way that you make me feel some sort of intensified emotion towards you in some sick twisted way. Well for one thing, I did enjoy that "spontaneous" chill that crept up my back when I initiated the invitation.

Whatever this may be, I still hold it dear.

At the Momento...

I am on TwitterThoughts. If you visit the site, it gives a whole explanation of the technical journeys it makes to find it's info///the use of the site. Basically, it's cool charts that list teh majority of teh twitter topics people twit.
Visually pleasing.
It just makes me think about all the similar thoughts I may be sharing with people all over the world. It's comforting to know that other people share the same thoughts and feelings. I'm probably not alone when i feel alone. I'm probably as happy as the next kid who's snacking on a chocolate bar. I'm probably just as anything as someone else who's a gazillion miles away.

I like that.

entertainment courtesy of: http://yvoschaap.com/twitterthoughts/

The Free Five Minuet Personality Quiz

"The Color Quiz" says...

"My Existing Situation":
Constantly moving forward in her life and career in order to gain a higher position and more recognition. Unhappy with current circumstances and needs to constantly make changes to herself in order to become a better person.
"My Stress Sources":
"Responds well to the world around her and wants to experience everything there is out there. Finds her existing situation frustrating and keeping her from learning new things. Needs patience, understanding, and a sense of security. Feels momentarily powerless to achieve her goals."

"My Restrained Characteristics:"

• Current events leave her feeling forced into compromise in order to avoid being cut off from affection or future cooperation.
• Emotionally distant even from those closest to her.
• Is bothered when her needs and desires are misunderstood and she feels there is no one to turn to or rely on. Her self-centered attitude can cause her to be easily offended.
• Conceited and is easily insulted. Holds back emotionally but is able to find satisfaction through sexual activity.
• Current events leave her feeling forced into compromise in order to avoid being cut off from affection or future cooperation.

"My Desired Objective:"
Alert and very observant. Always looking for new opportunities which offer freedom and the hope of making the most of them. Looking to prove herself and be recognized for her achievements. Feels separated from others and constantly trying to bridge that gap.
"My Actual Problem:"
Harshly critical of the existing situation which she believes is disorganized and unclear. Seeking some sort of solution which will make the situation more clear and with some sort of organization.
"My Actual Problem #2:"
"Agitated, unpredictable, and irritation as well as lack of energy and inability to cope with any more pressure placed on her have left her feeling stress and tormented by her situation. Feels powerless to come up with a solution on her own; desperately wishes a solution will present itself and allow her a chance to escape."

...so overall...

I am carry a number of negative traits that inflict my careless, self-centered, desperate, longing, and powerless behaviour and attitude.
This sounds bad, and I find that a lot of it sounds true deep down, which makes it even worst. It's REALLY weird how general online and written personality tests sometimes really nail the results.

thnx assholes at: www.colorquiz.com

WE REKINDLE/WE REKINDLE/WE REKINDLE

Friendship is finally genuine again. (H)

I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset.

She had already gotten impatient and agitated over the last two weeks of his routine absence. She had tried to ignore the little voice telling her to speak first, but she always fell for it, and forward into some utter disappointment and humiliation when he wouldn't respond. Her eager frustration was showing with every grit of her teeth and cruel twitch of her brows.
He was making her unloving. He was making her blue. He always knew how to make her feel, but of course, he wasn't even aware of it. She claims him to be her fellow act of serendipity, her unmistakable fate. After almost a year of this, she was almost ready to show him her heart. But these few weeks have gotten the best of her.
After a Sunday afternoon in the house of God, where she'd beg and plead every week for only him, he finally arose from his hermit-like slumber. She was awed by his refreshing "HEY...NEWS!" still struck by this blessing, she did not at all see it coming. His news; I HAVE A GF. Frozen with the foolish smile from his sudden greeting, her brain and her heart, both took a long pause.
Nonchalantly, she took it like a man, as she always said she took it. How else was she to act? At least he was "happy...er." After a bit of discussion, she got up on that horse and ran a track of mind to only be grateful that he felt better and that he was still able to confine in her. He later asked, "Are you happy for me?" How else could she reply but with the three letters Y-E-S, in caps of course.
I think the crowds have started to take notice of her sad face. Everyone, but him, knew how she felt. We all see it, but no one has said much, but we'll always know. She hasn't been the same since Sunday. She was quick to say that she was happy for him, but it'll be a while till she'll be happy because of him.