I would try to let you go if I could learn to picture it

If I could pretend to fall,
If I could pretend to fall a little bit
Fall a little out of love,
Falling out of love with you
I can't, I can't a little bit

I am destroying myself with...

-procrastinating on notebooks still
-staying up this late every night like I think it;s summer or something
-breaking bills for small change by buying tiny snacks
-spending that change on bus fare for full adult fare TTC and YRT
-this week's shifts of work
-not doing my laundry
-eating after 7PM everyday
-relying on my phone waaay too much
-sleeping in public
-not having a schedule put in place to manage school and works and life
-some nights I don't bother to brush my teeth cause I just need to pass out
-and going to bed with make up on

...now that I've listed everything wrong with me, I need to straighten up and never turn back.

Anew

The leaves are changing colour; hues of red instead of green. I'd rather be someone's gold than just being blue.

This does not concern that

What you meant to say was 'you' not 'that.' I used to be honest when I'd admit to "Fallin' for You." Never did I say that I was fallin' for that. It'd be smart to do the same if you believe that this should remain.

I HATE NOSTALGIA!

I am in love with the old me.

Nice and Devoured

Don't say a word just come over and lie here with me
'Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see
I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe
There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me

Bluesy guitar riffs, pouring rain, a sleeping cat, other real talks, empty text files, a day of school and work. Such is the way that I say goodbye to the summer and everything that I knew back then. Towards the end of the night, I took out the garbage and wished that I was out tonight in the last of the warm sundowns. But who was there to take me out? John Mayer somehow knows how frustrated I am with the cynical making of absence and abandon. So I spent my night with him and a therapist. Do you see that you weren't in the equation? Well, so long "sweet" summer.

Looking for something, anything

I looked over my first post and found an awkward phrase. Other than a terrible sentence and rooftop dramatics that have been left behind for more than a year, revisiting my first few posts also showed me the hopeless romantic that I was more than a year ago. Naive and broken me. Hopeful and wishful me. Where did that me go? Several times I've wondered where did my passion and flow go, and several times I've fooled myself into thinking that I got it back.

The massive dark wood dresser that was only good for piling crap over crap and marking the territory of half my room, was finally dished out. Although I'm glad that this burden is no longer around to swallow my space, I also can't help but stare at the empty corner. And I guess, just like my room, the rude chunk of my own passion was removed from me. But I was able to feel without sorrow. But I'd rather strive for that happiness again than later grow tired of finding it in every common corner.
It's been a while since I've changed my reasoning. I don't really know where to go from here. I'm scared to take risks again. For filling the gap within myself and my room.

Surprised that I've made it this far

It's very weird staying up late on the computer looking through tattoos and Halloween costumes in thick socks, black jeans, and a giant caribou knit sweater. It looks like my summer sleeping routine will remain throughout fall. Adapting new routines also includes; being able to have morning showers, choosing what to wear for school, transferring notes into notebooks, a 10 min bus route to school, starving student lifestyle, and actually hitting the books.

Oh the new life that we all live.

Aces means everyone drinks

And there you have it; summer has finally come to a close. I woke up this morning freezing cold and stuck on the first few lines of 'Boys of the Summer.' The morning shower, that I usually don't take, got rid of the smoke entangled in my hair and reminded me of the previous night. I was in a basket again. There was screamo and dub step in the zone. I laughed alot. Too many shower moments like this. And for the next ten minuets, I just went over and over the couches that we loafted hard on every weekend of the last two months.

Every summer ends with Sherry's birthday get togethers. And I never really thought about it til I wrote her card, but this annual gathering is pretty much the last thing that usually knits us all together before we set off for the year. The same loyal friends of hers since time would surround the dining table mounted with food and sink into the pillowy couches infront of the karaoke machine or Guitar Hero battles. We'd wander back and forth through the few rooms and short hallways to socialize with each other about how the summer was. And of course we'd toss around the Filipino accent in half of our convos. But with a new apartment, friends leaving the city or just MIA, Moosehead and dalmatian cards...the atmosphere stayed the same. My summer ended sitting cross legged in a circle playing that Kings drinking game that I memorized all the rules to but not the name, Stella Ella Ola Truth or Dare edition, and attempting a real talks session. Noooice.

Within the last few days...

...I've thought of a few tingzzz. And because I don't feel like digging for words and shiz, I'm just gonna list them, and get back to them eventually.

1. New solo routine
2. Corners
3. NEW!
4. Church as my reflection place
5. Old school origins
6. Visiting dream
7. Degrassi High dream
8. What type of person do I look like?
9. Literature
10. Agenda

200th

I'll tell you what's my favourite thing to do. (Besides getting retarded and what not.) I love being shotgun to a spontaneous sunsetting cruising adventure.

Venturing away from the busy city and into those narrow one ways boarded by open fields. Beside The Greatest Man and with my iPod in the jack. His favourite thing used to be playing with us in the grass across the street after work. He told me about how he regretted not taking photos of himself in the places he went to as an adventurist. And some strangers may know that two days before his wedding, he was stuck within an air raid and his wife-to-be was dealing with flight delays coming from Canada. There's something about a cruise that just wakens every pore, particle, and ponder. And pairing myself on a Sunday cruising session with My Old Man was a darn good treat. We sang to Beatles covers and Elton John. Walked down fancy sidewalks with melting scoops of ice cream. Drove through fields of grapevines and searched for some good pie. And as we drove back, we went through memories as we drove into the setting sun.

I was in a good environment

I felt welcomed. A creature of total opposites being befriended. Amazed by the new habitat and ready to adjust and confine. Gratueful for the hospitality of the hosting others. Remember in 'The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe' when the beavers took in the children and treated them to jam and crackers by a cozy fireplace in a dam? That's how I felt. Supremely cozy and welcomed. Thanks you guys. :)

That's So Raven

For the last two weeks, everyone-- every trainsit user, tv screen, gathering space, advertisement- looks familiar. Like I've visualized the definite features of each passing stranger many times before. Wouldn't it be kewl if I were psychic? NTS: Watch some That's So Raven. But on the reals, this newly discovered "gift" urges strict pondering.