I'm too good for you

I've accomplished a chunk of every dream I had never thought would come true. And whether your presence is the outcome or not, I feel nada towards it. Throughout the last long long while, I've stunned myself with all of the effort that I had put in to make things whole. In the long run, you made me see that I am far more of a better person than you. I would never do the crimes that you commit.
We met by a trick of fate. French navy, my sailor. I wanted to control it, but love I couldn't hold it.

#3 Welcome the Unknown

Change is a good thing;
it happens every day-
if you learn this when you're young,
it will help you on your way.

Each day is different
from the day before,
and it sometimes feels scary
when opening a new door.

But if you don't fear change,
and embrace it instead,
life will be an adventure and
you'll look forward to what's ahead.

I have been obsessed with reinvention this weekend. I demand change and something new in every corner. I'll embrace in it all as if rolling in mud naked.

Today I...

expressed loyalty in many ways

"oh bobby yea"

I forgot to celebrate my one year blog-iversary!

Once upon a time we had a romantic getaway. Bonding while bonding. Our first day of physical contact. One splendid idea that never went through. Exposure to passions. Suppressed memories that I helped you get over. We thought the very same upon a bright and colourful sight. A love for cream cheese. 12 hours of each other.On the way back, we burnout on public transit to melodies that served as our soundtrack. I made this soundtrack into a playlist. I never was able to find a title for the playlist; never found a word to sum up the serenity of the memory. But as beautiful as things were, they just aren't now. It's okay that I never gave our soundtrack a title, we never had a title ourselves anyways. And now that we're no longer, nor shall this playlist be. Today marks the last day I'll listen to us. I spent my last four imaginary years reaching for things that I could barely grasp and now I'm ready to leave it's security. I got to do a majority of what I had always dreamt of anyways. I'll admit it here cause of so many wall factors: I was in love once.

+ this means a blog subject change!

Too much has happened

So I'll treat me to a weekend update:

- I haven't driven since the summer but I was able to impress my driving instructor and have finally finished my in-car lessons after two years!
- This was my first weekend without Beebs and/or Jip since I can't even imagine. That's too weird.
- Pirated Blindside made me realize that I can't pay attention to anything if audio isn't aligned with video. It''s too annoying.
- Not wearing makeup while watching true story movies is a must!
- I stop breathing whenever I almost drop my phone. I've quicken my reflexes.
- Leona Lewis songs are too heart wrenching.
- Seeing old friends is REALLY good. I'm glad that we've all changed, we've all moved apart, but we're all still able to get along and have fo serious real talkz.
- I'm not that bad at meeting new people anymore.
- After the first half hour and half a mickey, I can't say I'm a tank anymore.
- Must train myself to speak softer. Must train myself to be less vulnerable. Must train myself to walk without a helping hand. Must train myself to avoid the phone. Must train myself to widen my eyes. Must train myself to stop treating people to short sit downs. Must train myself to get more familiar with the green line.
- Calling beats txting. I only have two great friends.
- Orange juice is terrible for intoxicated tummy aches. Cleaning your room at 7AM half dead is doing work. Cat purr's are too loud.
- Prom dress. Check. Prom date. ...
- I'm very fickle.
- I overdress. Shiny pieces of clothing that attract usually targeted body parts are a no! Curly vs. Bald hair is super steez.
- Real bonding is legit too.
- I am a woman of class. (to a certain degree)
- My life IS a movie. I'll see you on the TTC in seven years. Please don't ruin my future marriage, if it's an engagement then okay. You're at the back for good this time.
- I'm very picky and have high standards. I'll let that guard down starting soon.
- To Jip: YOUR PLAN IS RIDICULOUS AND I CAN'T DO IT! Let's just have cake and A Cinderella Story instead. Love Jilary-Hoyce
- When I get to drive, I'll be cruising for thoughtful places.
- Cannot do work anymore.
- I think I've settled.

I had done alright

Living in the same area and still getting family car rides made me used to everything that I saw through my left side window. I know at least 5 different routes to get to one place. I can remember the cars in familiar driveways. I know every plaza at every intersection. My mind has settled within my surroundings. But it won't be for long; my brother reminded me.

Driving back home from Sunday's lunch, we passed the skate park that everyone used to go to, the very long route that is best traveled with a slushie in hand, the park that I once had to run across to get to places unknown, and the Harvey's where we sipped on a thick chocolate shake while coming up with the best plan for relaxation. Usually the family car would drive down this street and I'd think nothing of it, but the extent of my growth has even flustered my brother.

I'm used to the fact that next year I won't see everyone that I've come in contact with over my last four years. And it's a concept that I can hear and won't understand til it happens. But just as I survived my transition into high school, I'm sure I'll survive this one.

And newer memories will be made along the roads that I frequently pass.

Wishful thinking

"How could I not love you?"

Okay, fine.

Rants have always been my expert area. I can take them, make them, join in well with them. They're just a thing that I can do. When there's something to complain about, it's all that one can think about, talk about. It expands, and gets heavier and heavier, it just has to get out of your system. But what good things are ever said in a rant? Not a single good thought comes about. And now, I never see much good in anything.

Struck by white

I hate seeing ghost from afar. I hate that you're still a ghost. As a blast from the past and maybe even as a default, I'll go back to that idea that "it was always you."