With the future flow

This year was quiet a different one. I met alot, left behind too much, kept to myself in a notebook, numerous real talks and confrontations, took on new challenges, found new amusements, big steps were made, authorities got the best of me at one point, and I was too honest with confessions. It has been an eventful, crucial, life changing year. I grew from crawling back, felt like a child when I'd advance, trusted people with all my heart out of impulse and out of genuine affection. Decisions were made and they brought me to new directions that I've at times cried over or rejoiced in. So I'm ending it in a shiny gold skirt to say I did my best, a sheer-ish top to remind myself of my vulnerability of the year, a velvet blazer to say that I'm growing up, and a giant feather accent to say that you're my best friend still. What I wear on the last day of the year, will be the first outfit I define myself with for the next. And I want to remain the same, just with a dash of diversity. Cheers.

To be with you

I'm feeling a longing love again and I want to be lost in it forever. I want every happening to build up and cradle every mess as I just soak my every self into the divinity of you.

..........

I've been very censored lately. Not everything is even sincere when I'm gone. And it's like that everyday. I don't think properly anymore. I don't make sense much. I laugh at it though. But it's nothing that I can say I'm proud of. The now-public blog, substances, new people, new places are all contributing factors. I don't even feel like I should say everything anymore. There's been too many things jumbled up! I can't even remember them anymore! And now everything has to be in code so nothing is public! I don't quite know.

I be up, up and away

I'll say it again and I mean it this time; I give up til you move first.

The end.

C:

...I'm feeling better.

hoo haaa

I am not proud.
I am a literary monster.



+But all the effort has created something FUNTASTIC and SPIICTACULAR!

Ho-hum-ski

I
am
terrified.

Due to the lenient attitude that has taken a hold of me lately; I've released a few things that I would have wished to kept to myself. Therefore I'm going into hiding again, but out of fear, not shame. Well part shame. But I can't explain. After today I've realized that I've had my go. Like many things, we eventually lose our flavour. You can't always be someone's someone. Well not at this age, no. But the time will come. I depend on it.

In the last week I...

become a major procrastinator.
had two nose bleeds.
become bifflez again.
shared stories with my momski.
slept in my mom's bed 4 times.
used my scrap notebook for good again.
spoke to the love of my life twice.
accomplished one of the two times, failed the second...tremendously.
talked to a 3 year old ghost, it was cool, but he keeps hitting on me.
ventured through good future DIY projects.
attempted to apply to university...failed.
somehow made him come back...i'm a fine catch i know.
been replaced...which kinda doesn't bother me, but i am getting panicky.
realized that my tolerance went up...i'm a champ i know.
changed my card for the 4th time.
swallowed the biggest pill of my life; accomplishment.
kept to my commitments. (one could say)
definitely not fulfilled my december goal...which makes me sad and lonely for another winter.
missed two days of school...grrrreat.
mirrored someone else's feelings to fit in while losing my own.
used my secret time to ask for something that i've always wanted.
made up ideas for others.

Overall...
this week was not one of my best and although I have at some points proven my courageous attitude and let down my guard at all means without any cause, no good has come out of it...yet. But I'm losing you even though I pray for us, and the sad part is that it doesn't matter to me anymore, but it does. You said that you'd see me soon, well that was what I wanted it to mean.